Bandha, driste, breath

The Cop left the heating pad out after tending to his ankle last night. Since I needed to practice at home this morning, I decided to heat up my back a bit before I began--so I sat on the couch and warmed myself and read some of the new Namarupa. Which rocks.

Practice was quiet. Bandha, driste, breath. That's where I tried to focus. As always, it is fascinating to see what happens in meditation. Moments of grace, where time slips away, and moments where all I can hear is my ongoing internal monolog. Which is always shockingly critical.

One moment of grace occurred in ardha baddha padmottanasana, which is a bit strange, as it is a pose that I don't feel at all attached to. It is tough for me, but I never expect to really enjoy it, so it's never particularly disappointing, either. But my mind went still in the midst of it.

It's a curious state--I was reading in Namarupa this morning (and of course I can't find that paragraph now) of the mind states of waking consciousness, and dreaming consciousness, and deep sleep; and how the still mind is actually suspended between those states. It explains it very well--and when I find that passage again, I'll post it.

I did find that I could stay pretty focused on bandha, breath and driste until I got to the Janus. I often seem to hit a pocket of suffering there. Not sure why. And I slowed down tremendously at the Marichys, which I love. Something about their complications--or, I suppose I should say, subtleties--always absorbs me. I wonder if I can find a similar way into the Janus...

Anyhow, home practice this morning was very rewarding. So many things one can hear in the stillness, in being alone. Interesting, too, how it takes some courage to be alone, how it's easier to have others around. For the distraction, I suppose--for the human comfort. Being alone is so revealing; so why is it sometimes so hard to choose?