Sthira & sukha

Home practice this morning. Got some Krishna Das CDs to play in the background, and they rock.

So a quiet morning. A tough practice. Lots of thoughts--in part because I am headachey from allergies, and in part because my traps are tight as hell. Because of the jumpback initiative, perhaps. Because of work being really busy and rather stressful, maybe. So there were "maybe you should just go to navasana" thoughts, and "maybe don't do a vinyasa between sides" thoughts. Which I just ignored, because I don't want to start the habit of changing it up because my mind is busy.

The traps, though, really ARE like rocks. Too much sthira. As per usual. Sthira is definitely my habit--strong and active. But of course, since I am always rather extreme, my sthira comes at the expense of sukha--comfortable and light.

Seems like life is conspiring to push my "sthira" buttons. Work, My Gift moving away for college, and... LOL! Actually I guess that's about it, stressor-wise, but they are two omnipresent forces: work and My Gift. Between them and my tendency toward hypersthirativity (just made that up; don't try using it in any yoga lectures ;-) I'm kind of wound too tight these days.

Time for some sukhativity. Actually, the realigning of my hips/sacrum over the past year and (almost) half of Ashtanga has brought lots more sukha through that area. Sure, it hurts sometimes, but at least there is movement. The traps/shoulders, though...I don't know about that. I suppose it's inevitable that there be realignment there, too. Though primary series doesn't really seem to get at it directly. Unless I'm overlooking something?

Okay, so "joyful and soft" has to be the mantra for practice for a while. And life, too!

Since it's early and I have time to write, I'll share a Huang Po quote from my pre-practice reading:

Any SEARCH is doomed to failure. Some madman shrieking on the mountain-top, on hearing the echo far below, may go to seek it in the valley. But, oh, how vain his search! Once in the valley, he shrieks again and straightaway climbs to search among the peaks--why, he may spend a thousand rebirths or ten thousand aeons searching for the source of those sounds by following their echoes! How vainly will he breast the troubled waters of life and death! Far better that you make NO sound, for then there will be no echo--and thus it is with the dwellers in Nirvana! No listening, no knowing, no sound, no track, no trace--

And yes, I see the irony in posting this quote along with an entry about my SEARCH for sukha. I'm still shrieking in the valley. Slow learner.