Knee grief

Shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance. The seven stages of grief. Yes, I have grief about my knee.

Today I had denial ("Maybe it would actually be helpful to the healing process if I do a little ardha baddha padmottanasana..."), and bargaining ("Since I skipped the forward bend in ardha baddha padmottanasana, maybe I can go ahead and do ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana..."), and a little depression ("Why did this happen? My practice is ruined..."), and then some acceptance.

Mostly, though, I just was aware of how much I take my knees (and, by extension, the rest of my body) for granted. It is incredible to see how many poses are affected in one way or another by the injury. A real eye-opener, in terms of how integrated the movements of the practice are, and also on how much stress the practice puts on the physical system (and I don't mean to suggest that the stress is bad--rather, that it is a challenge to the physical system).

Lots of folks at practice this morning--me quietly assessing my knee, Chanting Man with some kind of back injury that is really challenging him, Bikram Teacher struggling with impatience as she learns Ashtanga and wonders why she hasn't mastered it yet ;-) Sanskrit Scholar, Returning Guy, the British Director, the Contestant and the Beautiful One were there, working their own issues. Every morning, we all practice together, each of us with our individual lives inside us. It's very cool to think about our human lives, each contained within the confines of the bodies of the people practicing on little rectangular mats. I just love it.