Change

A few days ago I noted that perhaps I should spend more time on my home practice, meaning my own practice. So of course I practiced at home yesterday and today and I will again tomorrow.

When I first knew The Cop, I mentioned that I was thinking of doing something (can't remember quite what it was) and a week or so later, I was doing whatever it was, and he said,"I didn't know you decided to do that." I was surprised, and said, "I told you I was thinking about it." He said, "Yes, but you never said you'd decided to do it." And I realized that I don't usually have a "decide" phase. I go directly from thinking to doing.

So here I am doing more home practice. It's kind of hard, truth be told. I am accustomed to the shala, and this is so different. Sure, I was practicing at home before--but that was because I had to, because Volleyball Guy doesn't do Mysore on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Gosh, we get so accustomed to our habits. Today is one single day of choosing to stay home to practice, and it felt so different! It's quite amusing, really--after all, what's the big difference between a Wednesday practice at home and a usual Tuesday or Thursday? Well, mostly it's about the fact that I made the choice and I see that things never stay the same. Which is always a tough concept for me. Kind of sad. But I feel like I have to cut back a bit on my reliance on practicing with the others. I don't want it to turn into the only environment where I can practice. These past couple of weeks have shown that I can't expect Volleyball Guy to always be around, nor the others--and it will be good for me to find some stability in my own, personal practice. I won't always have to rely on it, but I should have it available.

So it was a little lonely today, and a little distracting, to have The Cop here doing his morning routine, to hear My Gift's alarm clock going off and then her hitting snooze over and over. I hear how much I think about them, how much I monitor their situations when we are together. Very different from the quiet of the shala, when I only think about myself.

In other news, my shoulders are killing me. Seriously, it feels like I have shin splints in my collarbones. Supta K is not pleasant at this point. I keep persisting with it, though, because I figure it's the only way through.