Two-fer

This morning, after a lovely ardha baddha padmottanasana on the right side, I moved on to my left side and discovered something new. Pain in my left knee. Suddenly I remembered feeling a little sore in the left knee yesterday after practice. Nothing too bad. Felt pretty normal. Apparently it was a little more significant than I realized. So ardha baddha tipped me off. I guess ardha baddha is a "tester" pose. Like the canary in the mine shaft.

Okay, so I skipped ardha baddha on the left, then went on. Decided to see if it'd feel better in ardha baddha padma paschimottanasana. Nope. Alrighty, then. Modifications for all lotus poses on the left. I guess I did learn something when I injured the right knee. I was in denial about that for days and days, trying all kinds of ways to avoid modifications. For the left side, I'll just modify until I heal. This is so much less dramatic than the last time around.

At the end of practice, I told The Cop, "I'm having a problem with my left knee."

"Is that the one you hurt before?" he asked.

"No, that was my right knee. It's good it's my left, because that means this isn't a recurring injury."

"It's a recurring injury," he said. "It just doesn't always happen on the same side."

I guess he didn't realize we were having the "this-isn't-such-a-bad-thing-in-fact-we-can-be-happy-it's-not-my-right-knee" conversation. A conversation in which the term "recurring" does not...well, recur.

My month of doing ustrasana and dhanurasana instead of urdhva dhanurasana is up. So I gave urdhva dhanurasana a go this morning. I'm hoping that the sore knee is to blame for how crappy this morning's urdhva ds were. Yeah, yeah...it's the injury.

I guess it is now time for me to come to grips with the fact that I am a forward bender by nature, and that backbending is going to be a long haul. Any suggestions folks may have for good reading re: the mechanics of backbends? *Sigh* Isn't this Ashtanga stuff supposed to be easy? ;-)

Bon Voyage

Got to Volleyball Guy's at 5:30. Bikram Teacher, The Other Dave and Returning Guy were already there. Sanskrit Scholar and The British Director came in right after me. A few minutes later, The Contestant arrived.

How great was it, to see Volleyball Guy? Pretty darn great. I was so happy, from the very first adjustment in downward dog during Surya A. Good teachers must just really have a knack for adjustments. It's like they can share energy through their hands. It always makes me wonder what it takes out of them, all that sharing of energy with students.

I got to Janu A, and Volleyball Guy gave me the best adjustment ever. He stood behind me and used the back of his heel to push my folded leg even further back, then twisted my ribcage so I could lay my trunk precisely down the extended leg, and pushed me forward so I could rest my chin on my shin. The pose felt beautifully aligned and just incredibly flat. Hmmmm, that's another factor in the adjustments of a good teacher, I just realized: Volleyball Guy didn't just help me get into the pose, he helped me see the beauty and precision in the pose.

As a counterexample: I helped Sanskrit Scholar in Supta K. Volleyball Guy had to give his wife a ride to work, so he took off for a few minutes, and poor Sanskrit Scholar fell victim to one of my adjustments. I helped adjust her arms, then started in on her feet. I was walking them in slowly, probably way too slowly, but we finally got them sole to sole. She told me that I could push her legs up more on her shoulders, which I did rather tentatively, then I adjusted her feet to cross, then doubled back to her legs. So there are two kinds of amateur adjustment styles, I figure--the tentative style, which I subjected Sanskrit Scholar to, and the bold, terrifying style. I actually prefer the tentative, because the bold stuff scares me too much. It's one thing for Volleyball Guy to twist me up, and another thing for someone else to do it. I'm sure my "gentle" adjustment must have seemed endless, though. Sorry, Sanskrit Scholar! You are a good sport.

No Bakasana today. As usual, Volleyball Guy wanted handstands--three of 'em. I did pull off a nice Eka Pada Bakasana, though. As usual, the key is not to overthink it. I didn't even try to jump out of tittibhasana--now that I have a regular home practice, I want to save the really ugly stuff for when I'm alone ;-)

Volleyball Guy is off to the Philippines. I felt really sad when I hugged him goodbye. He told us a couple of times that next Mysore is March 13. I'm already looking forward to it.

How many yogis does it take to set an alarm clock?

Woke up at 4:30 so I could go over to Volleyball Guy's for Mysore. Felt quite well-rested. Got to the kitchen and discovered the coffee hadn't turned on. Checked the timer--yup, it was set for 4:15 AM. Hmmm, mysterious technology glitch. Easily remedied by switching the "Brew" button. Note to self: verify that coffee brews on time tomorrow. Wait--we don't use the timer on the weekend. Okay, make sure it works on Monday. Likelihood of forgetting to notice if coffee brews on Monday? Zero. Okay, coffee situation resolved for the time being.

But wait a minute...the clock on the coffee machine says: 3:30. Huh? Hey, wait a minute...so does the microwave! And the computer. Uh oh. Musta clicked the clock ahead an hour while setting it last night. Duh.

Well, it's not like I'm going to walk away from a pot of brewing coffee. So might as well proceed. I worked on proofreading the book manuscript and surfed the web. Wrote an email to Best Friend.

Hours after waking, I arrived at Volleyball Guy's. Chanting Man was there, and The British Director joined us shortly afterwards. A nice practice--slow, very warm, and comfy. Less distracted than at home, which is still a new environment for me. The British Director adjusted me in prasarita C, and it was a doozy. Usually people say "tell me when" or something like that, and I just hang in until the end of the adjustment. Had to say "uncle" this time, though--at about breath 3 and a half.

We talked about garbha pindasana when I got to it, and both Chanting Man and The British Director had funny stories about falling over and other humiliating consequences of attempting the pose. I didn't have a spray bottle with me, so my arms were only halfway through. But I did read up on garbha p on ezboard, and a couple of people suggested the counterintuitive move of making your lotus really tight. I had been trying to keep it pretty loose, figuring that'd make more room for my arms, but they pointed out that the really tight lotus actually opens up the back of the knees more. So I gave that a shot and managed to get halfway through with no water. And I laughed and told the others that someone had suggested using Astroglide for the pose. Surely disaster awaits anyone who spills Astroglide on their mat. Hmmm, the making of a yoga practical joke?

So that's about it. I am very happy it's Friday. The Cop is working late tonight, but we have plans for pizza and drinks when he gets off work. Which means a very late night for me. No led class tomorrow, since I still have house work. I have to finish moving the last few things out of the old house, clean it, and then do some stuff around the new house. I think this will be the last weekend of missing led primary on Saturday, though. The move will soon be declared finished. Yay!

Tuckered out

In a boat down a fast-running creek,
it feels like trees on the bank
are rushing by. What seems

to be changing around us
is rather the speed of our craft
leaving this world.

-Rumi

Utthita hasta padangusthasana has gone to hell. I had three recurring dreams about being able to do it with no effort whatsoever. Very sweet dreams. And since the dreams, the asana has been slipping further and further away from me. I can't seem to get through it. I even tried moving off the Manduka, hoping that perhaps it was just the cushy surface of my mat that was thwarting my attempts. Nope. It's me. Volleyball Guy has complimented people on dancing around during UHP--he said usually it goes to hell before a breakthrough. I guess we're going to find out if he was just saying that to be nice...

Eka pada bakasana. What can I say? Yesterday, SMN commented on my post, saying that Sharath does EPB without touching his knee to his arm at all. This morning (and no, I didn't have any ambitions regarding trying the Sharath method!) I got to EPB, tried to place my knee, and found myself thinking, "I need bigger armpits. And deeper." But then I remembered SMN's comment. Instead of fretting about my knee, I just kind of used it as a touch point (versus a support) for the pose. It wasn't beautiful, the outcome, but it was more graceful than usual. Thanks, SMN.

By the time I got to navasana, I was pretty tired. I never really think about it that much, but I guess I do get kind of progressively more tired over the course of a week of practices. It also occurred to me that the whole navasana / handstand / bhujapidasana / kurmasana / supta kurmasana part of the sequence is quite strenuous. I know, it only took me 7 months to notice. Duh.

Supta k was less frightening than yesterday. I "fought back." I used counterpressure. I pushed back as hard with my shoulders as my legs were pushing. I think my poor squashed collarbones were the result of me not pressing back hard enough. I can't remember where I got that idea, but it was written somewhere and caught my attention...maybe ezboard. So thanks to whoever wrote that little tidbit.

Garbha pindasana has me over a barrel. I'll be happy to go to Volleyball Guy's tomorrow so I can ask a couple of questions. Today I ended up with my arms through, but I pretty much felt like a total loser. Uh, apparently my rolling coordination, never particularly good to start with, goes out the window when I add in the awkward jutting arms factor. So I wonder if I am supposed to muck about with arms a bit and then pull them out and do the rolling. Or try the rolling with the stuck arms? LOL! I see no graceful outcome for this pose, I'm afraid.

Beyond all of this, the new house is great, work sucks, I am blogging on my lunch break. Now you know everything ;-)

Why are my collarbones on so tight?

This morning I had an email from Sanskrit Scholar. She was reminding me that Volleyball Guy is off to the Philippines for a 5 week adventure, and that Monday is our last Mysore class with him until he gets back. I'll be there.

More home practice today. Most notable: bakasana and eka pada bakasana transitions are coming along nicely. I am able to pull my feet up more than ever in bakasana, and as soon as I get to the tipping point, I sort of roll into the kickback. It's nice when things kind of come together on these things. As far as eka pada bakasana goes, I am starting to get my left leg up there pretty well, but I am still kind of stymied about where to put my right knee. I know my right arm is bent and that the knee fits in there somewhere, but I am struggling with how my shin lies along my tricep. Or if it does at all. Oops, just took a look at Arjuna, and he seems to have his knee in his armpit, and his arm outside his shin. So no support on the shin, I guess.

I have to tell a bit about my current state re: bandhas. At least that's what I think I am dealing with. Back in my gym days, I would have said I am learning something about my core strength and coordination. Bandhas always seem so much more elusive and mysterious. Anyhow, I half-woke in a dream the other night (lucid dreaming, I guess) and I was "flying"--not the usual flying dream though. I was conscious of the fact that I was lying on my side and that I was in bed, but I was curled a little in the mid-section, and I think my bandhas were super-engaged. And it was equivalent to flying, at least by the rules of dream-logic. A different kind of flying. Okay, maybe I shouldn't be allowed to practice alone, huh?

So for the past couple of days, since the dream, I have been really...uh, I don't know how to explain this. It's like I am tight in my abs--or my core--or my bandhas--almost all the time. I don't know why, and I don't know to what effect, but it is quite interesting. It's like I am learning something that defies logic or explanation. Learning something physical, I guess.

And on a less ethereal note: I was suddenly scared as hell when I transitioned from kurmasana to supta kurmsana today. Didn't see it coming at all, and then there I was, terrified. Right at the part where I flip my arms over to make the bind. My collarbones got some rest over the weekend, and then they were great for a couple of days--but I think they may be a little tired now. I backed off a bit, because I don't want to crank on them like I did a couple of weeks ago.

In garbha pindasana, I noticed that flexing and unflexing my calves as I pushed my arms through helped keep my calves from cramping--I got both arms all the way through, but then once I was there, well, I was kind of all stuck and in pain. I mean, it's funny to think of, that a human would do such a thing. So I am finding my first significant Ashtanga pains (aside from the injured knee). Interesting, too, to try to work through it all--how to accept a certain amount of pain, and not court it or exacerbate it or ignore it or run away from it. I think I am getting along just fine with garbha p, but my calves are a little sore/bruised, and I'm going to have to practice some patience.

My publisher has been in touch and will start typesetting next month. Dealing with poetry always makes me kind of strangely intuitive and dreamy (or perhaps just plain old strange), but I am figuring that between poetry and the dreams and a month of home practice coming up, I ought to be having some cool new experiences.

Work

Work is giving me a headache. Well, a series of headaches. One each day. I don't feel terribly freaked out, but there is always another detail to remember, another task to add to the list, etc. Everyone here at work is kind of cranky, too, this week. Though, interestingly, they all are recognizing and acknowledging their crankiness. Which is quite a good thing, I think.

Practice this morning was satisfying. I turned the space heater on while I finished my coffee, so the room would be nice and toasty. I was happy from the moment I started until the moment I finished. Well, maybe not so happy for a few minutes there in garbha pindasana--I only got one arm through, because my left calf refused to cooperate and threatened to cramp as soon as I tried to get my hand through. It occurred to me, as I drove to work, that I might try flexing my calves a bit, in order to offer a little resistance, and perhaps avoid the wicked pain. LOL! Wicked. I reverted to my Boston roots for a moment there.

This morning, I taught My Gift to help me in marichy D. And she gave me the usual adjustment in supta k. I have no idea how all of this happened, but I am really enjoying kurmasana and supta k. In supta k, I always hear Volleyball Guy saying, "Keep your eyes open." He reminds us all the time in led primary. I guess some people find it claustrophobic, which for some reason seems really funny to me. I can understand feeling claustrophobic inside your own body. But supta k is more like you are giving yourself a hug. Well, a twisted kind of hug, but nevertheless.

I don't know if I will go to Mysore tomorrow, and I'm not really sure why. I would imagine I'd be dying to go, but I've been liking my morning routine of getting up a little bit later, having coffee, and then practicing at home. I think I like practicing around My Gift and The Cop. I wonder if I'm slacking? Volleyball Guy makes me do handstands after utkatasana, and I've been liking doing bakasana instead. It's hard to tell if I am relaxing my attachment to the Mysore routine or just forming different attachments to home practice. Blah blah blah. I could worry this eternally. I think I'll just do what I like and see what happens. Chances are I'll enjoy my strong attachment to my new house for a bit, then suddenly want some Mysore time. We'll just have to wait and see.

Long time...

...no blog. Actually (and more importantly) long time, no practice. Not since last Thursday, which was the culmination of my week of practicing alone--both at Volleyball Guy's and at home.

Saturday was the big move. The Cop called his friend, who we'll call...um, The Maniac, to help move all the really big heavy things, like the refrigerator and beds, etc. I did the shuttling of lighter objects. Believe it or not, the move was done with just three cardboard boxes and three laundry baskets. As I've mentioned, The Cop had been slowly moving things from one house to the next over the past month. I'm not a great fan of wrapping glasses in paper and putting them in boxes, then carrying them somewhere and unwrapping them, and (if you are my mother) washing them to get, I guess, newsprint off of them, and then putting them in a new cabinet. Nuh uh. I decided they'd be just fine in layers in the laundry basket, with dishtowels kind of scrunched in to reduce breakage. Whatever glasses made it to the new house this way were declared winners and put in the cabinet. Darwinian? Yes, I suppose. Slacker? Oh yeah. This is the real reason why I didn't want The Cop's parents to help us move last weekend. They would have made us move like responsible adults.

So we spent the weekend at the new house and everything seems to be coming along nicely. This morning I used the yoga room. Formerly the dining area. But I had bigger plans than a diningroom. It looks out over the back yard through three picture windows. One day I will post photos. For now, it is a room "filled" with a Buddha, a space heater, the Manduka, a bunch of yoga and zen books, plants, candles and incense. Oh, and a chandelier. Right in the middle of the room. Which means navasana requires I move the mat to a corner of the room or risk kicking the chandelier. Home improvement will include removal of the chandelier.

I got up this morning, lit two candles and a stick of incense, turned on the heater, and got back to practicing. It was lovely. I was distracted, of course, by the fact that I was in a new environment. But handstands (away from the chandelier!) rocked. I got up there, stuck it, and just counted a leisurely five breaths. The same thing happened for the next two handstands. Not so great on the fourth, but the fifth was as good as the others. I learned inversions from a terrific Anusara teacher (say what you will about Anusara folks, they are very good at teaching inversions). He always had me flex my feet. But lately, as I've been floating up into handstand, I am finding that my toes point. And I feel incredibly light. I imagine this is about bandhas, but I have no idea how it's working, really. I don't want to overthink it.

My Gift adjusted me in supta konasana. My shoulders felt vaguely sore, but the few days off for moving seem to have healed them up nicely. And they are still looser than ever--my binds in the marichys feel very supple through the shoulders, whereas my shoulder girdle used to feel like it was made of cast iron.

I had a handy plant spray bottle by me, so I slicked up and managed to get both arms all the way through for garbha pindasana. May I say...OW? I assume the pain in my calves, caused by my bony arms, will subside once my padmasana is more open. If this is not true, someone should tell me now. If there is something else I should be doing, aside from being brave and waiting, I don't know what it is.

So yes, I could have gone to Mysore this morning. But I wanted to stay up late (10 PM!) to see My Gift for a few minutes when she got home from work last night. Plus I had address change forms to fill out online. And I was really really was excited to try out the new space. I think I'm going to love it there. I went out in the back yard this morning and suddenly thought about how I could plant morning glories to cover the fence. Only to find out, a little later, that morning glories are banned in Arizona. They are classified as a "noxious weed." Now I have to check my conscience and see if I will still plant them. Life is good, I guess, if this is my problem.

Friday

Ladies holiday. Woohoo! Is it pathetic that I am so happy about a couple of days off? I'm already plotting about whether I should go to Volleyball Guy's led class tomorrow. But it's our big moving day, tomorrow, so I should just focus on that.

The Cop has slowly and methodically been moving stuff from this house to the new one over the past couple of weeks. It's like things are dematerializing over here. I get home from work each day and the house is slightly emptier. I love it. So many people want to make things happen and struggle with it, but not The Cop. He has a strong will and lots of energy.

Already I miss practice. So I surf Ashtanga blogs to compensate ;-) This morning, I was reading Sammy's blog. There was some discussion in the comments about people practicing alone and how hard that can be. Sammy often practices alone, or at least has to be pretty proactive about finding a person or two to practice with. That's some dedication.

My week of alone practice kind of snuck up on me. There was the Monday alone at Volleyball Guy's, which, obviously, was unplanned on my part. I guess everyone had MLK Day off and decided to skip Mysore. Except me. And then I had my usual Tuesday and Thursday practice at home, and then I decided (kind of on the fly) to practice at home on Wednesday. I have no final report, yet, on practicing alone. I'm not ready to make any statements of intent. But I was fascinated to see how emotional it sometimes felt, and also how simultaneously empowering and yet routine.

Once the empowering factor wears off, what you would really be left with is day-to-day routine. Which can be a delightful, zenlike routine, I'm sure. Like sweeping at the zendo (or anywhere, really--I'm a big fan of sweeping) when you really are just present and mindful. When there is no drama and no intense will and no heavy intent--just the pure doing of a routine.

There's a lot more to think about this, but not quite yet. For now I'll just see what happens.

Pure will drove my first Ashtanga experiences--and it was sustained on classes, and the people in class, and reading, and questions, and my idea of Ashtanga, and all the trappings. So now I am curious about what is left when all of that is stripped away, and the will it takes to practice is reduced to the amount of will that sustains, say, a routine of sweeping. Or the routine of getting myself to work...which I'd better get going on.

Learning, Ashtanga-style

Here we go:

The subclavius muscle. Located, as the name implies, under the clavicle, you can find it by feeling under the collarbone. Note that you need to go in well under the collarbone to affect this muscle. The first layer of myofascia encountered is the softer stuff of the clavicular fibers of the pectoralis major. The tougher subclavius is on the underside of the clavicle and usually has a tender or sore feel to it.

Uh, yeah. "Tender" or "sore." Try excruciating. Not really. No, today I am just maybe a notch up from tender and sore. So getting better. And it's always nice to know about a new muscle.

Practice, at home, was terrific. As I had suspected, my Tuesday and Thursday home practices were kind of suffering because they were just thrown into the routine kind of willy-nilly. By adding in the Wednesday home practice, I had three consecutive days to really build up some alone time.

All of the distractions of family life didn't faze me this morning. The Cop and My Gift go about their morning rituals quite efficiently, and I could just enjoy their peripheral presences. The Cop kissed me and went out the door in between third and fourth navasanas, and My Gift was heading out the door right at supta k. I asked her to help me out, taught her how to adjust my hands, received the adjustment, and then off she went. Now, how many kids leave for school after responding to the question, "Hey, do you think you can push my legs further up on my shoulders?" I don't know. But we find it amusing.

I'm not sure how, exactly, it was different--but suffice it to say, I was thoroughly absorbed in my practice. Just experiencing it all, and really enjoying it. Didn't think for a moment about how it was different or not as good as or better than usual--it just was what it was. With a guest appearance by tender, sore subclavius.

Change

A few days ago I noted that perhaps I should spend more time on my home practice, meaning my own practice. So of course I practiced at home yesterday and today and I will again tomorrow.

When I first knew The Cop, I mentioned that I was thinking of doing something (can't remember quite what it was) and a week or so later, I was doing whatever it was, and he said,"I didn't know you decided to do that." I was surprised, and said, "I told you I was thinking about it." He said, "Yes, but you never said you'd decided to do it." And I realized that I don't usually have a "decide" phase. I go directly from thinking to doing.

So here I am doing more home practice. It's kind of hard, truth be told. I am accustomed to the shala, and this is so different. Sure, I was practicing at home before--but that was because I had to, because Volleyball Guy doesn't do Mysore on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Gosh, we get so accustomed to our habits. Today is one single day of choosing to stay home to practice, and it felt so different! It's quite amusing, really--after all, what's the big difference between a Wednesday practice at home and a usual Tuesday or Thursday? Well, mostly it's about the fact that I made the choice and I see that things never stay the same. Which is always a tough concept for me. Kind of sad. But I feel like I have to cut back a bit on my reliance on practicing with the others. I don't want it to turn into the only environment where I can practice. These past couple of weeks have shown that I can't expect Volleyball Guy to always be around, nor the others--and it will be good for me to find some stability in my own, personal practice. I won't always have to rely on it, but I should have it available.

So it was a little lonely today, and a little distracting, to have The Cop here doing his morning routine, to hear My Gift's alarm clock going off and then her hitting snooze over and over. I hear how much I think about them, how much I monitor their situations when we are together. Very different from the quiet of the shala, when I only think about myself.

In other news, my shoulders are killing me. Seriously, it feels like I have shin splints in my collarbones. Supta K is not pleasant at this point. I keep persisting with it, though, because I figure it's the only way through.

Everlast

Decided to use some of my gym pants for practice today. How are yoga pants different from gym pants, anyhow? I had climbing pants before I had yoga pants, and they are interchangeable: I was introduced to Prana products as climbing gear, and then just transitioned them over for yoga use. So why don't people use Everlast pants in the shala? Fashion, perhaps.

Home practice today. Though there were more people present than at the shala yesterday. The Cop was in the livingroom, doing his morning coffee and web ritual. Usually he is out of here before I begin, but his shift is changing at work. I was in the yoga foyer (geez, it's going to be great to have a whole room for yoga!) feeling a teeny bit self-conscious. At least at first. There is something rather strange about practicing near someone who is sitting still. And complaining about the heat ;-) Yeah, I cranked it up good. Guess I need a space heater for the new house.

Practice was no frills: I decided to do the whole series but skip the extras and the transitions (samakonasana/hanumanasana and bakasana/eka pada bakasana). I was pretty tired: last night we went out to dinner for My Gift's 18th birthday, so again there was lots of eating and drinking late into the evening.

My collarbones are still killing me, and I am pleased, for the most part. I don't think I've had this intense a response to yoga ever. I have seriously tight shoulders--so I am hoping we are really getting somewhere with them. Vinyasas at first exacerbated the pain, then relieved it (as I heated up). Kurmasana stressed my shoulders again, and then it was another round of the pain during supta kurmasana. Enough that I am not even close to a hand bind. But that's okay. It's all working itself out.

The no frills practice zipped along at a really good pace. I think I finished up in about the same time as if I'd listened to Sharath's CD. It just felt nice to move and breathe. At one point I wondered if I was "just exercising," but there was a heavy bliss component and nice focus, so I think I'll just figure I had a good practice and leave it at that.

Alone

This morning, on the drive to Volleyball Guy's, I thought about home practice. Volleyball Guy is off teaching a teacher training session, so he hasn't been around in the mornings. And he'll be out of the country for the whole month of February. And we'll be in the new house, which will have a devoted yoga space. Naturally, I started thinking about just practicing at home. Pretty quickly, I decided I'd like to at least see the others a couple of times a week. At this point, I am going to Volleyball Guy's for Mysore three times a week, to his led class once a week, and practicing on my own twice a week. Perhaps just go to Mysore with the other Mysorites (as Sanskrit Scholar calls us) on Mondays and Fridays and practice at home on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday?

As I was thinking this over, I arrived at Volleyball Guy's. Quiet morning. I went in, the heater and lights were on, but no one was there. I guess Volleyball Guy got up early, turned everything on, and went back to sleep. So I practiced on my own. Funny, huh? I was thinking about how I should be doing more practicing on my own, and the universe apparently agreed.

One discovery this morning is that the pain in my neck/collarbone area is not from setu bandhasana. The pain was rather pronounced at the beginning of practice, as I was warming up, but then it was fine. Until I got to kurmasana. As I was pressing down with my legs, it occurred to me that my shoulders were stressed in a way consistent with the pain I've been feeling. And when I flipped my arms over and went for the supta kurmasana hand bind...bingo! Yup, that's what all the soreness has been about.

I am surprised and amused that I am having all of this sensation in my shoulders. I have always understood that my shoulders are tight, but I always thought I was loosening them from the back--that the issue was in the shoulderblade area. Now, though, I am finding that the front of my shoulders and into my collarbones is an area that is tight, too. And my traps. These muscles have always been entirely off my radar. The dhanurasanas have been tugging at the front of my shoulders, and throw in the supta kurmasanas--and you have a recipe for a new kind of pain...uh, I mean, "sensation." ;-) It's kind of good news (except for the hurting part) because I have been struggling to loosen up my shoulders, and maybe this is part of that process.

I continued on to upavishta konasana and then called it quits. Quiet closing. Savasana. I turned off the lights, shut the door, and left Volleyball Guy's in the dark.

Setu BandOWsana

Last night, as we were watching a really cool documentary, I started noticing that I was really sore. I was a dedicated weight-lifter for almost 20 years, so I am accustomed to muscle pain, but I've never been sore in these muscles before. They're the ones that run down your neck and under your collarbones. I didn't think about it all that much, and went to bed.

In the middle of the night I woke up, sore as hell, and all the muscles up my spine were sore, too. And it dawned on me: setu bandhasana. I flashed on practice yesterday and remembered that when I did setu bandhasana, I noticed with surprise that my hips were really high and that more of my forehead was on the mat than usual.

Admittedly, I am usually kind of a setu bandhasana slacker. I'm usually thinking about backbends at that point in my practice. Plus, setu bandhasana seems a little dangerous to me, so I pretty much go at it with little ambition and figure it will eventually evolve on its own. All of this adds up to pretty low-key attempts at the pose. But somehow, yesterday, I seem to have really gotten into the pose more fully. Silly me :-)

Today I'm taking the Moon Day off. We'll spend the day with The Cop's parents, who are leaving tomorrow at noon. I imagine we will eat a lot and drink. Sigh. Eating and drinking a lot are really rather challenging pursuits.

Oh, and the cool documentary we watched last night: The Story of the Weeping Camel. About a Mongolian family that tries to help a mother camel accept her baby. The two young brothers of the family take a journey through the Gobi to find a violinist to perform a ritual the elders say will cause the mother to accept the colt. It's a fascinating movie, beautifully filmed, and the people are just lovely. Check it out.

Just Doing It

As I was falling asleep last night, I had the sensation of energy running in a kind of loop down both of my legs and back up into my spine. It was quite cool. Simultaneously visceral and ethereal. A result of those few second series poses I've been muddling through in home practice, I wonder? Or perhaps nerve damage? I suppose we'll find out eventually ;-)

This morning's practice was quite good, despite staying up late last night visiting with The Cop's parents. We ate late, we had alcohol, we didn't go to bed on time. Recipe for a perfect practice? Probably not. But it was fine. Chanting Man and The Cat were there, as well as The Other Dave and Sanskrit Scholar. Still no Volleyball Guy. But Chanting Man and Sanskrit Scholar doled out a few adjustments for all of us, and that was great for morale.

I decided to go ahead and do full primary again today, since I had so much fun on Wednesday. In garbha pindasana, I got both arms through, to about my elbows. By that, I mean elbows at the top of my thigh, not through and at my hamstrings--wow, this is very hard to express clearly! I guess, more accurately, I got my forearms about halfway through. At any rate, pushing my arms through made my knees in padmasana feel great--but then I managed to push further, until both my calves cramped up. Okay, guess I found that edge...

I mucked up the sequence and did supta konasana before upavistha konasana, so I doubled back around and did supta again. A little extra practice for that pose, I guess. The lovely thing lately is that I am aware of how thinking isn't always necessary. I messed up the sequence, realized it, went back, did supta konasana again, and went on my merry way. No time spent thinking about how I was a dope, no time spent trying to figure out what I should do--I just did something, and it was simple and as good an answer as any other. I caught myself starting to think and prepare too much when I got to marichyasana C (which I can do easily, unless I think about it)--so I made my mind blank and just did the pose. Much better.

I have great resistance to the idea that thinking isn't always a good thing. I was brought up to think all the time, and I went to school for years and then to grad school twice, and I've always been rewarded for thinking. But quite honestly, it is vastly overrated, and I am enjoying (as Nike so profoundly promoted) just doing it.

And now I must just go back and do work.

Happy Nerves

Today I did the same practice as Tuesday. I was concerned I might feel burnt from doing even a little bit of nadi shodana, but I've felt great the past couple of days, despite major stress at work and lots of chaos in the new house/moving situation. In fact, I've been quite amazed at how stable my mind has been. There's a stack of work on my desk, I have performance appraisals to conduct with my team next week, we're moving, The Cop's parents are visiting, I invited a faculty member/developer to visit from San Diego yesterday and spent every minute of the day in meetings with him and various members of upper management. And I didn't feel overwhelmed for a moment. Go Ashtanga!

Tonight is a special ceremony and post-ceremony party for The Cop. So another busy day. And then a weekend with his folks, who keep saying they intend to help us move. Except I am not ready to move yet and just want to relax all weekend. We'll have to divert them with restaurants and margaritas and maybe the Barrett Jackson car show. Apparently The Cop's dad loves cars. I don't, but I'd rather look at cars than pack and move boxes.

The Cop, quite amusingly, looked at the sky this morning and said, "You must have a Moon Day coming up." I have to laugh, because I notice Moon Days when they appear on my calendar and mean a day off. He notices it because he is in sync with celestial bodies. Uh oh, The Cop is a better yogi than I. Go Cop!
:-)

V Guy: MIA

Wondered for a moment this morning if I should go to Mysore practice. I was coughing a bit and we stayed out late last night for a cop function (they really do banquet on rubbery chicken, BTW).

So off I go to Volleyball Guy's, because I don't want to decide not to go. Volleyball Guy, still ensconced in teacher training, was not there. Just Chanting Man, his daughter The Cat, and me.

A nice, quiet, focused practice. Chanting Man was kind enough to offer a few adjustments, most notably in the forward bending portion of samakonasana and in prasarita C. When you are at Volleyball Guy's, you almost invariably get adjustments in those two poses. So Chanting Man kept up the tradition today. He adjusted differently than Volleyball Guy, though. Volleyball Guy tends to have more energy pressing downward in samakonasana, whereas Chanting Man was primarily pushing me forward. I understand that you want both energies (downward and forward) in that adjustment, but they emphasize it differently. I found myself simultaneously terrified and curious during the adjustment. Everything turned out just fine, but once again I am reminded how much I rely on Volleyball Guy's familiar adjustments, and how I trust them.

Handstands between navasana rocked today. I am just kicking up, sticking the pose, and then I'm able to curl my knees in and get about halfway down before gravity takes over again. This is a perfect example of just practicing until suddenly you can do it. I love doing handstands, but never thought about them with any particular ambition. So it's been a very mellow learning curve.

Chanting Man spotted me thrashing around in supta kurmasana--I could feel my spine with my fingertips and was curious about how far apart they were. He came over and pushed my hands just a teeny bit closer, and I had the bind. So I'll go with the hand bind (versus the foot crossing) for a while and see where that goes.

Usually I knock off at supta kurmasana, but it's been two weeks since I went to led primary, and I was really missing the whole series. So I carried on. I managed to get one arm through on garbha pindasana. This has never happened before and I was quite surprised. Am I supposed to keep one arm all the way through and then work on trying to get the other, or back off and try to get both halfway through, I wonder? Calling Volleyball Guy. Time to quit teaching those other people and get back to Mysore practice. Alternatively, I suppose I could try to learn to do a one-armed kukkutasana and just pretend it's my special trick. As if.

Backbends were the ustrasana/dhanurasana combo. And finishing poses were truncated because I have early meetings at work. Which means I ought to quit writing now.

Life of crime

Crim begets crim. What can I say? This morning, for home practice, I decided to check out Richard Freeman's Second Series DVD. I started off figuring I'd just do the standing poses with him.

I love the way RF describes things. I listen to his Primary DVD every so often, just to see if I'm remembering some of the stuff he mentions. I was thrilled to get this new DVD, to hear what sorts of images he comes up with. He's my nomination for Poet Laureate of Yoga.

One thing I was quite conscious of, listening to this new DVD, is how tense my mouth is. He kept mentioning how the palate should be relaxed and empty, and sure enough, I'd notice how tightly I had my tongue pressed up against the top of my mouth. It seems to be the locus of my tension during practice. Chased it out of my shoulders, but didn't lose it.

It was a pleasure working with the DVD (lots of reminders about the "cave of the sacrum," which was a nice reference point to keep in mind), and when we got to pasasana, I decided to give it a go. I haven't done any second series poses for a few months, and it felt good. I just went to laghuvajrasana, and knocked off there. RF keeps a good pace in this DVD, so I couldn't belabor things. Just a nice little practice, then finishing poses, and voila--I'm done.

I will be curious to see how I feel today. For a little while there, Volleyball Guy was doing second series on Tuesday evenings and I was going to that. I found, quickly, that the energy generated by the practice was totally frying me. I was instantly rendered sleepless and restless and frazzled. Of course, we went through the whole series, so that might have had something to do with it. Perhaps my little taste of it this morning will be invigorating, rather than exhausting. We'll see.

In other news, The Cop's parents are coming for a visit for the weekend. They arrive tomorrow night. The house we are in and the new house are both in a state of uproar, so I have to just give up wanting them to look pristine. We're in the midst of moving, so basically we have two disaster areas at the moment.

And My Gift From The Universe left me a note in the middle of the night. Apparently she is ill and will not be going to school. I hate when she feels sick. It always scares both of us, as we are concerned it might be a flare. Hopefully she'll just sleep it off, and wake feeling well.

Criminal Blog Posting from Work

Hey, I'm on my lunch break--cut me some slack. Early meetings today, so my usual morning routine of practicing, then coming home and making tea and blogging was disrupted. For a long time, I've thought yoga is more important than work, and now I know that yoga and blogging are more important than work. Hmmm. Maybe this is exactly what not to post from work...

This morning was another non-Volleyball Guy morning. He's doing a teacher training, one of the advanced, accelerated programs. So he's not feeling the 5:30 AM Mysore practice. This morning I managed to get there right at 5:30, just as The Other Dave was opening the door. Sanskrit Scholar showed up shortly afterwards. It was just us, all morning.

It was great to practice with them. Both of them are strong practitioners--even-keeled and methodical. The Other Dave has offered me maybe three suggestions in the 6 months I've been practicing in his company, and each one has been something that really affected my practice. Today he said "It's coming along," and I kind of, uh, semi-executed eka pada bakasana to chaturanga. Maybe next time he'll have a more concrete suggestion...

Here's the question of the day, though: supta kurmasana--master the hands first or the legs? Today I went with hands, and am getting pretty close. But that means my legs aren't crossed. Oh, I flop around like a fish until I get the soles of my feet touching, but that's about it. Alternatively, I can come out of kurmasana, cross my ankles, and then try to get my shoulders jammed back under my legs. Never works out that well. I wish Volleyball Guy had been there to ask.

He is MIA for I don't know how long. Nice of me, huh, to be more concerned with my needs than his? Oh, I don't begrudge him--he should catch up on his sleep and I should figure some of this out on my own. I wonder if sometimes he doesn't just want to maintain a zen silence when we ask him all of our questions--surely many of them are silly, or ego-driven, or things we aren't meant to know yet. He has an adventure to the Philippines slated for the whole month of February, so I guess that'll give me plenty of time to hatch incorrect theories, gather all sorts of misinformation, and try all kinds of mistaken experiments. A little something to look forward to ;-)

What a difference 6 months makes

Today marks 6 months since I started practicing Ashtanga. And I celebrate it a little sadly, because I am not at Volleyball Guy's led primary. I have too much house stuff to do, and it wouldn't be fair to let The Cop work while I practice. C'est la vie. A hard decision, but perhaps one my practice has made a little easier. Maybe I am getting my priorities a bit more in order. Ash mentioned this today in relation to his car, and it got me thinking.

Six months of practice is nothing, but it's also really something. My body feels very different--the freedom in my hips and shoulders and spine is astounding. Oh yeah, there's waaaaay more to go, but what a terrific start. I also have the community of the shala, which I am quite grateful for. And I have practice, which helps put things into perspective. I really believe Ashtanga practice gives zazen practice a run for the money.

So far, so good. Thanks to Ashtangis, physical and virtual, who've helped me learn so much so quickly. Special thanks to Volleyball Guy, Sanskrit Scholar, The British Director and Returning Guy. You guys rock.

Namaste.

Practicin' with the Peeps

Mysore this morning, but without Volleyball Guy. He's doing some kind of training thing, so didn't make an appearance. The diehards, though, were all there: Sanskrit Scholar, British Director, Chanting Man and Returning Guy. We all traded down dog adjustments at the beginning, and then Sanskrit Scholar and Chanting Man offered a few adjustments to the rest of us as we went along.

It was an interesting hybrid of self-practice and Mysore. Less rigorous than when Volleyball Guy is there, nice and warm because of the group, and yet more of the internal quality of self-practice. Humans really are social creatures--I almost said "herd animals"--we sure do like to do things together. So this morning was fun, we laughed a good bit--a few times it reminded me of when the adults would be off somewhere else and the kids would play.

When I started off, I decided that when I got to Marichy D I'd use a strap for the bind, like I did yesterday at home. But once I got there, I decided to save the strap trick for home practice--it can be a little treat I save just for when I'm practicing on my own.

As reported yesterday, the bakasana-to-chaturanga transition after utkatasana is coming along well. It was actually fun to do today. I also had much better balance in eka pada bakasana after virabhadrasana B. It's taken me quite a while to realize that the arms are at more of an angle when you set up for EKB than when you set up for plain old bakasana. I kept trying to hold my arms straight and just tuck my right knee into my armpit and balance from there--but apparently physical reality just doesn't work that way. Happy I paid a bit of attention to how Sanskrit Scholar did that pose last week. Funny how poses can just seem impossible when you do them the wrong way ;-)

Self Help for the Hypercritical

Pretty good home practice this morning. Tried out the Manduka mat. Wow, what a nice mat. Of course, I didn't sweat up a storm, so I'm not sure how it'd perform, say, in a crowded led class. And it felt a little sketchy on balancing poses, though I'm not sure if that was just me psyching myself out because it is such a thick mat.

It'll definitely be a good mat for the new house. The "yoga room" has tiled floors, so the cushioning qualities of the mat will be perfect. Whether I'll ever lug it over to Volleyball Guy's remains to be seen. I just leave a mat and rug in the back seat of my Jeep all the time, so it is ready each morning. But if I had the Manduka in the car, I think I'd be nervous about someone stealing it. Though, really, who steals yoga mats from cars?!?!

Today I slowed down to a crawl at the bakasana transition after utkatasana. Usually I only manage to kick back about three quarters of the way to chaturanga. Today, though, I nailed it. I was a lot lower to the floor than I expected when I finally found myself in chaturanga, which suggests I'll probably face plant at some point as I work this transition all the way out. So this might be a little something to save for home practice, since face plants are so highly distracting in the shala ;-)

This morning I had a bit of insight about why home practice can be tough, compared to going to Mysore or even a led class. When I was in parivritta parsvakonasana, I was pretty rough on myself, psychically. I've experienced this at zen retreats--after sitting for a couple of day, I could hear how shockingly critical my inner monolog is, and how deep. I really am not conscious of it. But it's in there, affecting how I feel. Obviously, a few practices where the inner voice is hypercritical would cause almost anyone to shy away from practicing on their own. The only way that I've managed to counteract it is to be consciously positive during home practice. Essentially let the positive conscious thoughts be louder than the subconscious negative ones. I suspect one might be able to retrain their mind this way. Isn't that how cognitive therapy works?

He rocks

Good practice today. Returning Guy, Chanting Man, The Other Dave, Sanskrit Scholar, The British Director and me. I've been struggling to get to Volleyball Guy's by 5:30 AM--I've been coming in at around 5:40, when everyone's well into their suryas, which makes me feel kind of left behind right from the get-go. So today I made a point of being there at 5:30, and sure enough, the guys were already there practicing. But I didn't feel quite so late.

Last Mysore practice, I felt like I was kind of going through the motions at some points. I remember particularly feeling like a slacker during utthita hasta padangusthasana, which I just slid right through to ardha baddha padmottansana like a baseball player sliding into third. Today's intention was to be present and attentive throughout all of the poses. Duh, I know. I'm supposed to do that all the time. But hey, I'm human.

I did stay present throughout practice, and it was just lovely. So there's not much to say about practice per se, which gives me a chance to write about Volleyball Guy.

Volleyball Guy rocks. End of entry.

Just kidding.

Here are a few stories of Volleyball Guy:

When we are practicing, sometimes someone catches their foot on their rug and kind of messes it up. I've seen Volleyball Guy behind us, straightening our rugs as we practice.

I use a thin block for hanumanasana. I tuck it under my front hamstring, right near the insert, so I can square my hips up better. Often, at some point during the time I am practicing, the block appears at the end of my mat, waiting for me when I get to hanumanasana.

I am struggling with the bind on marichyasana D. Today, Volleyball Guy adjusted me in marichyasana B. Then he stood by while I struggled and struggled and struggled with D. I was just going to give up and ask him to help me, when I realized that I had gotten further into the pose than I ever have, and that I finally understand how this is going to work.

On the other hand, I find getting up into handstands pretty easy, and quite fun. Volleyball Guy usually spots me on three after utkatasana, and three more at navasana. Today, he stepped back while I was doing the utkatasana handstands. When navasana rolled around, he went off to do something else, leaving me to use the wall as a spotter, and to try to figure out how to come back down with some grace. He's taught me as far as he can on this one, and now it's time for me to figure out the rest.

Last, but not least, my weirdo backbending routine. For this month, I am doing ustrasana and dhanurasana instead of urdhva dhanurasana. To see if I can stretch out my shoulders, keep my backbend, and then eventually put it all back together and do a better urdhva dhanurasana once my shoulders are stretched out. Every morning, Volleyball Guy adjusts me in these poses, then he has me do a handstand. He turns his back to me, grabs my ankles, hauls me up on his back, and leans forward so I am backbending over him. Why? So in a month we can see if my urdhva dhanurasana is even slightly less atrocious than it usually is.

So you see? I really could have started and ended this entry by simply saying Volleyball Guy rocks.

Mmmmmmm...swan pose...

Home practice today was more yin. On the new Manduka mat, which seems to rock. Of course, I aired it out for days, so the rubbery stinkiness was gone. And I didn't sweat (I've heard the new ones get incredibly slippery when wet). It sure is cushy, though.

After last week's yin experience, I decided I needed more instruction. So today I popped Paul Grilley's DVD into the player and set about sitting on my butt. Sure, it seems like it's gonna be easy, sitting down throughout an entire practice, right? And it is, from a muscular perspective. The hard part is being still.

First off, I had to override my internal monolog (Whoa, this is a weird pose! Hey, how long am I supposed to stay like this? Is this even doing anything? How can this work, if I'm not generating any heat? Why am I always so attached to yoga "working"? Blah, blah, blah...) Then I had to hold the poses. For minutes on end. Which turned out to feel really good. They have this "sleeping swan" pose, which is like pigeon--and gosh, I was loving it. I was lying there on my plush mat, half asleep, thinking of how much it reminded me of eating chocolate or some other good food, or sex, or scratching the inside of your ear with a Q-tip. Super satisfying.

And then it's time to get out of the pose. Ow! Ow! Ow! Not so easy first thing in the morning. The thing that came clear was that my hips are hella tight, as are my hip flexors. The idea behind yin yoga is that it is supposed to work the joints/fascia, versus a more yang practice, which works the muscles. Okay, I can go along with that. Perhaps I will experiment with some yin sessions.

The kicker is that they say it takes a long time to stretch out the joints/fascia. And that everyone is different, and there is no prescribed method, and we all have to explore... Oh boy. It all seems so much more nebulous and touchy-feely than Ashtanga, which makes me a little impatient and a little suspicious and a little cynical. Which is probably a very good reason for me to give it a chance. Plus, I want some more of that swan pose...

Details, details...

Good to get back to practice today, after three days of non-stop painting. My forearms were killing me when I woke up, I still have the sniffles, and my hands are splotched with paint that won't come off. So what better to do than Mysore practice?

I can't say it was a spectacular practice. I kept kind of getting bounced out of it, mentally. There is such a huge list of things to do: go back to work today, for one. Then there's all the stuff that goes with preparing the new house, packing the current one, etc. And of course, lots of little things suddenly need attention: there is a squeak in My Gift from the Universe's car that needs to be diagnosed and attended to; the cable box seems to have gone on the fritz and needs to be replaced; we didn't do our laundry over the weekend, so that needs to get done; there's no food in the house. And the poor dog seems to not be feeling well again.

Luckily, The Cop has today off, so can deal with some of this stuff. Also luckily, he doesn't freak out under pressure. He's got a nice, innate sense of the dharma. When life goes a little haywire, he always works methodically to restore equilibrium. No cultivation of drama.

These are the times, of course, when it is hardest to practice, and also the times when I most need to practice. So just being there is a win.

Just before practice this morning, I read a great quote from Bodhidharma:

Even if you have a mountain of jewels and as many servants as there are grains of sand along the Ganges, you see them when your eyes are open. But what about when your eyes are shut? You should realize then that everything that you see is like a dream or illusion.

I like to think about this, not just in relation to things I know I don't need (jewels, servants) but also in relation to the things I feel I do (My Gift from the Universe, The Cop, yoga, zen). Interesting to think about...